Be still and know that I am God

When my dad called me late last night and the first thing out of his mouth was, "Do you think God speaks to us?" I knew it was going to be a good conversation. My dad is an amazing man - he has been through so much the last 6 months and has been successfully clean & sober since October 16th! Anyways, he went to a meditation AA meeting last night after having a rough couple of weeks with neck pain and friends relapsing and a mini hiatus in talking to God. When the lights were turned off and the candles were lit, the room was silent and my dad didn't know where to begin. He felt frustrated and although he didn't say it, I'm sure he's been feeling a little neglected or even abandoned by God. Then in the stillness he heard a voice. "Be still and know that I am God." He looked around thinking, "Am seriously losing my marbles?" And then he heard it again, as clear as if someone was speaking in front of him, "Be still and know that I am God." "Who am I that God could be talking to me?" Dad thinks to himself, or to God. "God, is that really you talking?" The voice replies, "I am within you." "How is this possible?" he asks. God says to him, "Did I not create you? Be still and know that I am God."

I looked up where it says "Be still and know that I am God" in the Bible and its from Psalm 46:10. The first verse in Psalm 46 says "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." How powerful and fitting for where Dad is at in life right now. How inspiring and refreshing it is to remember that God cares - he hears our cries for help. He is never far away. Thank you Abba Father for speaking so clearly to my dad and in turn, speaking volumes to my own heart. Amen.

School Ties

Cascade College. There is a heavy sigh that follows those two words for me. When I was in highschool I swore up and down that I would never ever ever go there. God had a different plan in mind. It is emotional and uncomfortable for me to reminisce about my time there. While I am so grateful that I met my amazing husband there and that I made a couple life long friends I am embarassed at how lackadaisical I was after my sophomore year. I made a dumb decision and it felt like so many regarded me as they would a leper. Heaven forbid...well, this is not the tangent I intended to follow. Regardless of how people treated me - for real or perceived from my end - I did not give my college experience the respect that it deserved. For that matter - I didn't give it the respect that I deserved. I should have taken advantage of being in this close-knit community of believers to help my faith have a foundation of its own. I love my life now and I wouldn't change the outcome for anything, but there are times when I wish I had not been so caught up in my budding romance with my fabulous husband that I ditched class too many times to count and lost the respect of some of my professors. I realized a lot about myself during those years - some not so great things. I realized I am a surface learner. I have a difficult time coming up with ideas of my own. Give me material to memorize and I am golden. Give me a movie that perhaps could have spiritual undertones and ask me to relate it to a situation in my walk with Christ and I am lost. During college I tried placing the blame away from me, and even until today I think I have blamed the way people reacted to my early mistakes for why I gave up in a sense. Well today I am taking responsibility. I made mistakes and poor choices and didn't take appropriate advantage of a great opportunity. Thank you Father for opening my eyes and helping me let go.

This is not a self-pitying post. I just needed a venue to get my thoughts out of my head - even if just momentarily. I feel like maybe if I put them out there, I may feel some sort of relief from the guilt. Who knows. Regardless of it all, I have been blessed. I am so fortunate to have a husband who loves and cares for me; a son who has us wrapped around his little finger; and a network of friends and family that help us get through life's ups and downs.

Prayer

As I was looking for encouragement this morning I found these words on a friend of a friend's blog that described last night perfectly.

"As I fell asleep that night, I was sad, depressed, and confused, yet at the same time, hopeful. Hopeful because I believe in a God that hears the prayers of His people and is faithful in caring for His flock. Hopeful, because I know that I can't fix it, but HE CAN. Hopeful, because when Satan attacks, GOD remains more powerful!"

Thank you Abba for hearing our prayers and holding us close.

There is definitely something that changes within your spirit when you become a mother. You are suddenly connected to this little person in ways you never could have imagined. His laughter fills me with joy to my core. His cry gets to my heart the way no other cry can. Here are some of my favorite things about my Benjamin Quinn. The way he sticks out his tongue and scrunches his eyebrows when he is really focused on getting something done. The way he squats and side steps when he thinks he is being sneaky. The way he grabs my face in his chubby little hands and kisses me with a drooly snotty face. The way he desperately wants to do everything his daddy does. The way he tries to sign "I love you" and isn't even close but you know he is trying his hardest. And his dimples...he has 2 regular cheek dimples, a chin dimple, a high cheek dimple and a dimple on each shoulder! I LOVE HIS DIMPLES!

Happy Easter!

Homeowners at last!

Much has happened since my last post. We had a blast in Tahoe and thoroughly enjoyed our little getaway time. The cabin was gorgeous and the view was spectacular...right on the lake surrounded by snow and trees. We ate too much, drank wonderfully, gambled a little, and relaxed a ton. It was perfect timing to leave Ben overnight. We both needed to get away and have grown up time.

We got keys to our new house the last Wednesday of February!!! Talk about a stressful process...Everything went completely smooth until the very end. We signed papers on Friday, February 20th. I saw the house in person for the first time the next day...I know, sounds crazy, but the market is ridiculously competitive down here and I have an amazing husband that I trust with all my heart! We were hoping for keys late Monday, but that didn't happen. Tuesday rolled around and they decided to argue over whether the house was in Sacramento or Rancho Cordova so no keys on Tuesday. Then finally, hallelujah, Wednesday evening rolled around and they submitted our paperwork 7 minutes before that day's deadline! Woohoo! This house is no gem, it needs a ton of cosmetic work and has a few deeper issues but I love it! It has a fantastic layout and we have done a ton of work in the last 6 1/2 weeks. Here are some before and after pics so you can get a feel for what we've been doing! (Keep in mind there is still a ton of work to be done...)

living room...

gross nasty high gloss tile...GONE!

the office/spare room

this is still our office....we put these wood laminate floors throughout the whole house (except the kitchen and bathrooms)

the front bathroom has black and white tile that looked kind of retro so we ripped out the disgusting vanity and installed this cute one instead....I did the plumbing all by myself!

Our yard is filled with Calla lillies so I have been enjoying huge bouquets of them in my kitchen!

We are getting new cabinets that I am going to sand and paint white to open up the space a bit more, but here is what our kitchen looks like for now.

December was filled with family and fun!

December was a crazy month for our little family. We started it off with Gigi (Grandma Cheryl), Uncle Quinn, and sweet miss Lydia flying in on Ben's 1st birthday. We shopped and toured San Francisco and enjoyed the winter sunshine for a couple days. We had a family party on the 5th and just enjoyed both sides of the family being in our home...and of course Ben enjoyed his first taste of birthday cake! The following weekend Grandpa Russ came to visit and celebrate an early Christmas with us. It was a good bonding time for Ben and Grandpa as they wrestled on the floor and played in the yard.

Christmas Eve and Christmas day were spent with the McPeak side of the family. Ben had so much fun at Great Grandma Betty's house. He definitely did not want to be contained. Since he started walking right around his first birthday, he is nonstop action man. He probably did laps around her house for a good two hours that day!

We went to a couple Christmas parties and a tremendously fun New Years party but have yet to leave Ben overnight. That momentous occasion is being saved for later this month while we go to Tahoe with all our friends...I will definitely write more about this after it happens. I believe I have sufficiently prepared myself mentally and emotionally for the last 3 months and will be able to survive 2 nights without being a ridiculous first time parent...we'll see.

This is us ready for our New Year's Eve party. Chris and I were doing weight watchers before the holidays and then...well, lets just say we are getting back on track this week and looking forward to more weight loss! Yay!